Up until this point, I haven’t had much time for reflection on 7 weeks of culinary school, so I thought I’d take a moment – more for me, than anyone else – to put down some thoughts while I’m enjoying a quick salmon lunch I made for myself (pictured, above).

My life seems to be at a frenetic pace. Up until last week, I had what was really a full time job, an enormous amount of stress that went with it, and school M-F, with reading, recipe review, and supposed “practice” every night. It was definitely doable as I did indeed do it all (well, maybe not really the “practice” part as much as I should have), except that I cracked a few times and didn’t do it all with grace or graciousness. I cracked on my husband, I cracked on the lawyers with whom I was working and those on the other side of the deal, and I cracked on myself, asking myself questions like: “what am I doing?”, “what was I thinking trying to change careers at this stage in my life?”, “am I insane for thinking that one day I can have my own restaurant, and the energy to run it AND be the executive chef?”

So, what am I doing? I’m combining two things I love to do – cooking and going to school. I’m treating myself to a grand adventure and doing something I’m passionate about and have been passionate about for as long as I remember.

What was I thinking trying to change careers at this stage in my life? Well, how old would you be if you didn’t know your birthdate? I think I’d be in my late 20s. I have enough wisdom to know what I don’t want do and I have enough zest for life and learning that I find the energy to keep trying everything I want to try. And, unfortunately, life is short, which has become all too real for me in the last few years, so I’ve gotta go for it!

Finally, am I insane for thinking that one day I can have my own restaurant, and have the energy to run it AND be the executive chef? Most likely, but then aren’t all amazing chefs who want to do that and actually do it? I know the strikes against me: age, time to master different cuisines and techniques, lack of experience in restaurant kitchens, lack of capital, the economy, and the fact that a staggering amount of what could-be-great-restaurants and great restaurants indeed fail. But, I also know my advantages: I’m smart, I’m driven, I have a lot of business experience, I have a lot of “life experiences” that can translate into knowing what people want and how to give it to them, I have an incredible partner in life, friends and family cheering me on, and I know enough law to keep myself out of trouble 😉

Carnet keeps telling me to not put so much pressure on myself, as this is a journey of exploration. It is and through this exploration, I could go in a hundred different directions. But, I have this problem of putting a ton of pressure on myself to have to know what to do next and to be the best at it. Also, I’m hung up on this idea of opening a fabulous, small restaurant in Honolulu which would cater to the non-transient population which would equate to serving exceptional food (not the crap that plagues so much of Waikiki). But, who knows, maybe I’ll be a food writer (doesn’t everyone think they can write?), maybe I’ll go back to my original idea of several years ago (a food truck) although it seems like I’m a little late for that in Honolulu, maybe I’ll work in fabulous kitchens in Spain and/or Italy, maybe I’ll do pop-up restaurants, or maybe….

But, for now, I’m going to make some “paleo” sides for the bbq brisket I made (started marinating last night and finished today after several hours on low heat) and plan to serve to Carnet as a late lunch when he arrives from Dubai in about an hour.

And, yes, I’ll read my ServSafe book.